‘Okay,’ said Ursa, slowly and with as little movement of her face as possible. ‘Am I going insane or is that Cait-fucking-Síth on the windowsill?’
Nora, who’d been quietly seething at the table for the past 10 minutes, muttered under her breath. ‘Well, tricking us into coming here is certainly what an insane person might do.’
Suddenly Cait-Síth wasn’t the most urgent thing to address. Ursa looked from Nora, to Merlin, to the disinterested Strych. ‘Look, I already said I’m sorry! But if you’d known we were just here on Alkahest’s recommendation, you wouldn’t have come! And we needed this info!’
‘Actually,’ Merlin piped up, ‘I knew and, uh, yeah I’m still here?’
‘You knew? How? You didn’t hack my phone, did you, because the ethics of that are–‘
‘You were texting in the lift. Which is full of reflective surfaces.’ He at least sounded apologetic.
‘Right, fuck this,’ said Nora, getting up and making for the door.
Ursa leapt up after her. ‘Don’t let him in!!’
There was a billowing of the knee-level smoke that filled the house and Strych emerged before them, blocking their path.
Strych took a deep, ostensibly calming breath before speaking. ‘So. Am I to understand that you’ve brought a Summer Court policeman to my doorstep? Because that seems to be the case.’
‘I’m really sorry, if we’d known–‘ began Ursa.
‘Get out. All three of you.’
‘Actually,’ said Merlin, joining them. ‘It’s pretty obvious that something like this was going to happen, if you think about it.’
‘I don’t think he’s even after us specifically,’ said Nora. ‘It’s more likely another common factor.’ She paired this with a venomous eye in Ursa’s direction.
‘Yeah, Alkahest’s not down in the basement, is he?’ said Merlin.
Strych didn’t blink. ‘He’s not down in the basement. Don’t be ridiculous.’
‘OKAY, EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE,’ said Ursa, desperately avoiding looking at the swords in the umbrella stand.
And then they were outside, with Cait-Síth between them and the rest of the city.
⁂
‘Well, fancy seein’ the three of you!’ said the cat. ‘Can I ask what you’re doing all the way out here?’
‘Official Caliber Institute business. Apocalypse-in-progress,’ said Ursa. ‘So we really should be getting back to work.’
Cait-Síth moved to block her egress. ‘Don’t you worry, we’ll only be a moment. I’d just like to make a couple of enquiries and you can be on your–‘
There was an ‘ahem’ from behind Ursa, as Merlin cleared his throat. ‘Sorry, Mr. Cait-Síth. I hate to interrupt when you’re midway through a sentence but we really are on a time limit. We need to get back to Laniakea and stop her going to war with Mr. Pyrite.’
‘Who are both Ancient Dragons,’ added Ursa, helpfully. ‘And they’ll destroy Middlemarch and probably most of England if they come to blows!’
Nora inspected her own fingernails. ‘I mean, would that really be all that bad?’
The others ignored her.
‘In that case, then,’ continued Cait-Síth, ‘I shall endeavour to keep things brief. What are you doing here? Doesn’t seem the kinda gaff you’d be cuttin’ about together for no reason, surely?’
‘We’re just getting some info on the item that’s causing said apocalypse,’ said Ursa. ‘Is that okay with you?’
‘Alright, dinnae flap. Just checking you’re not here to cover up your crimes against the Summer Court.’
‘Of course we aren’t! God, do you want the world to end?!’
‘Well, that’s nothing to do with me.’ Cait-Síth appeared to consider. ‘Is it really that big a deal?’
‘Yes!’ said Ursa.
Nora squatted down to meet the cat’s eye. ‘Look, it’s a real danger. We’ve already had to deal with flippin’ hellhounds. Because those two idiots wanted to go and save some stupid guy, and then he… blew us up.’ She trailed off.
‘Yes, yes, yes, it’s all very silly,’ said Merlin, attempting to steer things back to a conclusion. ‘But we’re quite busy, and our seeing you here is coincidental. May we go?’
‘Well, it’s not exactly a coincidence if I’m the one who sought you out,’ said Cait-Síth.
‘Was that for any particular reason?’ said Ursa.
‘I just wanted to ask if the three of you had been approached by anyone that might be of interest to the… current ongoing enquiries, as we like to call them?’
‘I haven’t been approached by anyone,’ said Merlin. ‘…I don’t have any friends.’
The others turned to stare at him, before Nora added, ‘To be fair, neither do I.’
‘I have loads of friends but none of them are involved in any murder enquiries,’ said Ursa. ‘Obviously.’
The cat eyed each of them in turn. ‘So nobody’s approached you… you know, seeking revenge? Anything like that?’
‘No?’ said Ursa. ‘Who’s– who’s seeking revenge? What?’
‘Oh, you know, it just happens in Fae politics sometimes. You know how it is. Well, as you said, you are on a bit of a time crunch, so I’ll just be on my way.’
‘What! No wait wait wait wait wait. What do you mean “seeking revenge”? Like on Montparnasse’s part? Would it be someone we know?’
‘I doubt it?’ said Cait-Síth. ‘But I’d probably know them if you were to describe them. Montparnasse was very popular, so there’s no shortage of persons-of-interest that might be out for blood.’
‘Oh yes, there was the Queen herself in that picture he had, wasn’t it?’ said Merlin.
‘Oh, you’d know if she came for vengeance, dinnae fuss yoursel’. I’ll be seein’ the three of you around.’
And then the cat was gone, vanished through one of his portals.
Ursa sank to the floor and put her head between her knees. ‘As if this wasn’t stressful enough, some fucking Fae asshole is going to turn up and be like, “I’m going to kill you!” Fucking hell!’
The door opened behind them. Strych’s head popped out of it. ‘Sorry, do you three just live on my doorstep now?’
‘No, we’ll get going, I’m so sorry!‘
‘Wait. When was the last time you spoke to Alkahest?’ asked Merlin.
Strych delayed in their slamming of the door. ‘When he asked me if you guys could come visit.’
‘Did he tell you about… what’s been going on with him?’
‘Oh. Are you three involved in that? Huh. I probably should have pieced that together. Yeah, I really do need you off my property, then. Feel free to come visit again for… tea and cakes, whenever things die down.’
Ursa brightened a little. ‘Oh! Thank you! That’s really nice of… oh, are you being sarcastic?’
‘Little bit.’
‘Oh. Sorry.’
‘Have fun!’
The door slammed shut.
Ursa gave an exhausted little wail, but stopped as Nora bent down and spoke directly into her ear, her voice with all the polite formality of a letter informing you that the date of your execution has finally been confirmed.
‘I think we need to maybe have a chat about your taste in people, Ursa,’ she said. ‘I guarantee that if we come across Alkahest again, I will have no hesitation whatsoever in throwing him to the Fae. Because I have no intention of putting my life in danger for that piece of shit.’
Ursa blinked at her, then slowly began to rise, speaking as she did so. ‘Okay. Nora, I like you. I think you’re really cool and awesome, if a bit scary. But…’ Here, she took hold of Nora’s shoulders. ‘If you do that? I will make “your life” a living hell.’
‘Do you really want to make that challenge?’
‘Yeah. Because – and I don’t know if you fucking remember – he did kind of help us out in the labyrinth. And if he hadn’t killed Montparnasse, then Montparnasse probably would have killed us. So…’
‘I get that, Ursa, but–‘
‘Guys should we get an Uber?’ said Merlin, brightly.
‘–But have you ever met a Fae who actually, really wanted to kill you?’
‘I’ll get us an Uber,’ said Merlin. He waved his phone around in an attempt to get a signal.
Ursa was staring right back at Nora. ‘No, I guess not. We don’t know for certain what Montparnasse would have done, fine then. But does, like, loyalty mean nothing to you?! I’m not being funny, but, you seem to be totally fine with just leaving people behind to die. If that was me in Alkahest’s position, would you fucking throw me to the Fae?’
‘Yes,’ said Nora.
‘No!’ said Merlin, to both of them.
Nora ignored him. ‘But Ursa, you’re not Alkahest. Alkahest isn’t working for the Institute. So therefore, he has no affiliation with us. He puts us in danger? We’ll probably die. I can guarantee the pain of maybe losing whatever it is you have with that… thing, that Demon? It’s nothing compared to the pain the Summer Court would put us through if they decide we’re responsible. I have met Fae who really want to kill me.’
‘Okay,’ said Ursa. A professional smile had appeared on her face, forged by years in customer service. ‘I’m hearing what you’re saying. And I will take note.’
There was a pause.
‘The Uber’s going to be here in five, guys,’ said Merlin, quietly.
‘Okay!’ said Ursa. ‘Cool! Let’s talk about the game plan. How are we going to solve this mystery?’
⁂
One uncomfortable taxi ride later, it turned out Merlin had directed them to the same coffee shop they’d been inspecting Mr. Pyrite’s gavel in earlier. This may have been because he wanted more coffee, or it may have been a form of vengeance for being made to sit in the middle.
‘So,’ he’d said, as the other two engaged in an ocular deathmatch over his head. ‘We know what committed the crime; we just don’t know who committed the crime. That gavel is two of three. Mr. Pyrite himself probably carries one. So the third one is possibly missing.’
‘I know there’s been some… tense conversations already,’ said Nora, carefully, ‘And I won’t name any names in this car. But do we not find it a bit suspicious that the person whose house we just visited knows all about the gavels and the book? How does Ursa’s black-and-white friend just magically have such a helpful contact?’
‘They’re just friends!’ said Ursa. ‘And Strych just knows a lot about items and stuff!’
‘I don’t think they’re involved,’ said Merlin.
‘Well, no,’ Nora conceded. ‘But it might still be important.’
‘So obviously we still need to find Adagio and question her,’ said Ursa, with cowcatcher velocity. ‘And I think we should talk to Minette again. She seems integral to Laniakea’s life, so she can probably shed some light on things if we question her properly.’
‘So we have two key people that we need to find next.’
‘Yeah. We’ve been told repeatedly that Adagio would be hard to find, so… do either of you have any scrying spells? Locate Creature?’
Merlin rubbed at his beard. ‘No. If we’re willing to try something more crude, we could try and get access to a load of security cameras from the Institute?’
Ursa nodded. ‘Yeah! Maybe Emva would have some kind of… magic compass, too?’
‘Okay,’ said Merlin. ‘But first…’
Inside the café, Merlin ordered a flat white with coconut milk and an extra shot of vanilla. Nora was a little irate at the delay, but Merlin refused to get his coffee to-go because ‘Cardboard. Ruins. The flavour.’
‘We have very little time left, Merlin!’
‘Stop or I’ll end up spilling it.’
‘I’ll spill it for you with this bloody hammer!’
Behind them, Ursa got herself a strawberry frappe. By the time she came to sit beside Merlin, he’d lost about a third of his cup to Nora’s threats, and was really savouring what remained to make up for it. Nora got a black coffee – to go – and went to drink it outside, away from the other two.
Merlin sipped his coffee and bumped against Ursa’s arm, next to his shoulder.
Ursa sighed, though she didn’t sound particularly put out. ‘Hi, Merlin,’ she said.
‘Hey. It’s real shit, isn’t it?’
‘Oh my god it’s so shit. Okay. I have, like, a little confession. I’m not really… ummmm, super good at having friends.’
This elicited raised eyebrows and a nodding of Merlin’s head. ‘Really?’
‘I know I seem like, cool and popular? But like… yeah!’ She laughed. ‘And today is just showing me that I don’t think I should interact with another human being ever again. Or non-human being. Yeah.’
Merlin took another sip. ‘Shit happens though, doesn’t it,’ he said. ‘We move on. It’ll get easier.’
‘I don’t think it will!’
‘It will, it always does. It’s just shit at the moment. You’ll get through it. We’ll get through it.’
Ursa eyed him from behind her frappe. ‘I mean… I really want to believe you, but like, also, Infernal apocalypse. Ancient Dragons being mad at us. Me. Even Alkahest’s friend didn’t like me! And Nora fucking hates me!’
‘Nora hates everyone. Nora hates me, and I’m amazing.’
‘Merlin you’re like the most anti-social person I know,’ said Ursa, managing not to spray her drink. ‘I mean, I know that’s a low bar – I don’t really know many people that well – but you are. You’re not good at talking to people. Like, I am good at talking to people and I’m still not good at having friends. Well, I’m usually good at talking to people. Not today. Obviously.’
‘No, granted; I don’t have many friends either,’ said Merlin, setting down his empty cup. ‘So us misfits have got to stick together, haven’t we?’
An upwelling of emotion had Ursa scoop her friend up for a hug. Merlin, having experienced a limited number of hugs from anyone other than his Mum, found himself looking around for what to do.
Which meant he spotted through the café window, across the street, his colleague Nora trying to persuade a giant, flaming, monstrous dog to try some of her coffee.
Nora had, due to a lack of other options, been sat in a bus stop. She sipped at her coffee and glared at any and all passers by. On the opposite side of the road, though, came marching along what looked – at first – to be a particularly large corgi.
Once she looked past the perception filter, it had revealed itself to be another Hellhound, about seven feet tall this time. Its head looked like an alligator had been disfigured in some kind of industrial accident, and molten flecks of magma-spittle dribbled from its jaws.
She was alone. Which meant she didn’t have to worry so much about being professional.
‘Hey there,’ she said, approaching it. She reached out with a Mage Hand to pet its trainwreck head, and the hound snapped at it, breaking the spell. Nora was undeterred.
She held out her coffee as an offering. ‘Do you want to be friends?’
And something about it shifted, on a metaphysical level.
‘Not particularly,’ rumbled the hound. ‘Why do you?’
‘I just think it’d be fun to be friends with a Hellhound,’ said Nora, apparently unfazed by the hound’s sudden manifestation of the spoken word.
‘Why would I befriend a human? You are small, and… pink.’
‘Well, you’re all on fire.’
‘Yes. This is a good thing. If you were on fire I would be more inclined to befriend one such as you. But humans cannot be on fire for more than a few minutes at a time.’
‘Actually, I can do this?’ Nora held up a hand and, making sure no passersby could see, shot a little Firebolt along her fingers.
‘Hm. Impressive. Can all humans do this?’
‘Not all of them. Just the cool ones. The ones that aren’t pieces of shit.’
‘Perhaps, then, you and I could come to an arrangement in the future.’ The hound sniffed the air, and turned to see Merlin and Ursa approaching.
‘Noraaaa, what are you doing?’ said Ursa, with something of a manic edge to her tone.
‘Who are these?’ asked the Hellhound. ‘Are these your… pack?’
Nora looked from the hound to her colleagues, and back again. ‘Yeah. Sure.’
‘They are weak, and pink. The taller one especially.’
Merlin cleared his throat, and spoke in Infernal: ‘I’m not weak. Just small.’
‘I would like to see some proof of such a claim, little man,’ said the hound, advancing on him.
‘–Maybe another time,’ said Nora, smoothly.
The hound turned to her. ‘Very well,’ it said. ‘What is your name, human?’
‘Nora?’
‘My name is woof.’ It just sounded like a regular bark. ‘I am sorry. It does not translate particularly well to the common tongue. Anyway, I am here to end the world, so I will be on my way.’
‘Oh, ‘course,’ said Nora. ‘Have a good day.’
‘Wait! Wait!’ said Ursa with a wave of her arms, and on another level of reality, getting a 14 on her Animal Handling check. ‘Who sent you here!’
‘I, like many other hounds, have been drawn by the power of the Infernomicon.’
‘Do you know who has the Infernomicon?’
‘Caravigg does. Caravigg himself. He is here, in your world.’
This was bad news. ‘Do you know where he is?’
‘I do not. He was there when I arrived in your world, though.’
‘Do you remember where that was? Where did you arrive?’
‘I do not know. It smelled fresh, though.’
‘Can you retrace your steps?!’
The hellhound looked down at her. ‘Not with a 14,’ it said, and vanished down the road.
‘Oh, fuck,’ said Ursa. ‘So… the guy whose name is on the book is just here? Just doing shit?! I’m going to have a breakdown. This has literally been the worst day of my life.’
Merlin considered patting her on the shoulder, then thought better of it. ‘Let’s go back to the Institute. I will speak with Penelope. And I’m sure they’ll have an image of this Devil person in a case file somewhere? Plus there’s a few other leads to pursue, yes?’
⁂
The three split up when they reached the institute.
Ursa went to see Emva, to see if it was possible to magically locate an Angel that they’d never met before. She didn’t receive much help on that front, but she did receive her previously-requested Amulet of Proof Against Detection and Location. When asking what Emva wanted in return, Ursa was delighted to be told ‘It isn’t a transaction; we’re friends aren’t we?’
She elected not to try and hug Emva like she had with Merlin, partially because she didn’t know Emva’s feelings on physical contact, but mostly because the Goblin was working at a lathe. Looking at the Amulet, Ursa couldn’t help but note its similarity to the one Stiletto Benevolent had been wearing.
Merlin, having blown off Nora’s attempts to follow him, met with Penelope on the semi-floor with all the servers. He asked Penelope to look if there’s any security cameras picking up 1, a big Devil with a billion feral hell-dogs; 2, Stiletto, because what was Stiletto’s whole deal? And 3, Adagio, the blue-and-orange Angel that might be able to shed some light on why others kept mentioning her.
Nora had retreated to her desk to try and see if she could zero in on where the Hellhounds were coming from. She’d found a good few social media posts about wild-dog sightings, and most of them seemed to be focused on a small radius around Open Sky Capital and Mr. Pyrite’s chambers.
She also received a chat message from someone with a friendly cartoon worm as their display picture.
‘You seem tense. Did something happen?’
‘Not yet.’
‘Oh dear. Listen Nora, if you have a falling out with your new friends, just let me know and I can take care of them.’
Nora hesitated before typing her reply. ‘Like I said, not yet. How are you, Morris?’
‘I’m all the better for your asking, Nora.’
It sent a gif of a sombrero-adorned cat doing a little dance.
When the three reconvened, and discussed their findings (Nora of course leaving out her conversation with her patron), they decided they needed to find Stiletto and question him on his amulet – though doing so might take some legwork, him being undetectable via scrying and all (All having forgotten there was a card with his phone number in their possession) – along with heading back to the general area of Laniakea and Pyrite’s businesses to see if the Hellhounds led to any new leads.
Before a concrete plan of action could be made, though, Merlin’s phone vibrated in his pocket.
He’d received a video from Penelope. In it, grainy surveillance footage of what looked like a boarded-up cinema showed the rapidly fading daylight outside. Three Hellhounds, low-resolution flames flickering with their panting, leapt out of the remains of a burned up window board.
But before they could escape, there came a huge flash of night-to-sunset light from within the building. The hounds turned to ash.
‘Well,’ said Nora. ‘That looks promising?’
⁂
Since time was of the essence, Merlin hailed an Uber Exec, which arrived in minutes. It was being driven by a woman who – past the perception filter – turned out to be a Fire Genasi. She drove like a stunt driver that was trying to get sacked.
‘So, since you’re coming out of the Caliber building, am I to assume you three are on the case of the whole Hellhound thing?’ she asked.
‘Um, we’re not really at liberty to say,’ said Merlin, gripping his seat. ‘Watch out!’
The driver turned back and swerved to avoid a bus, taking them the wrong way up a one-way street. ‘Oh don’t worry, I know these streets like the back of my hand.’ She stared at her hands instead of the road for a few seconds.
In the end they made the thirty-minute journey in less than ten. Their driver presumably worked some thaumaturgical quirk of her heritage to keep the engine from catching fire.
They staggered out of the back and Merlin hit ‘5 stars’ on the app with unsteady fingers.
The cinema was a smaller one on the outskirts of the city center. It had probably been impressive in its heyday – the sort of place that might have velvet curtains on its screens.
Now, though, it had fallen into disrepair. The plaster columns flanking the entrance were dirty. The boards on the windows had full sleeves of graffiti. Merlin in particular noticed an arcane symbol hiding among them; the Cool S (you know the one).
The door, though, was hanging open. Inside was a relatively modest counter with its popcorn-making facilities and similar accoutrements oddly intact considering the building’s exterior. Sounds of exertion could be heard from the corridor that led to its four mid-size screens.
‘Hello?’ said Ursa, leading the others into the second screen, from which the sounds were loudest. ‘We aren’t Hellhounds!’
A Hellhound the size of a horse stood atop another horse flew past her head, rapidly vanishing into ash. She looked in the direction it had come from, and saw Adagio.
She floated, wings outstretched but unmoving, five feet off the ground. In her right hand was a sword the rough size of an ironing board. A shining halo lit her from behind, and her hair and her feathers faded from blue to orange like the last glimpse of the setting sun.
She saw their entrance, saw that Merlin had conjured up Mage Armor, saw Nora’s Guidance enhanced awareness, and spoke.
‘Great, more of Laniakea’s lapdogs.’
She sounded as if she’d only just woken up, but when she flew it was like a rocket fired straight down at them.
‘Wait! Wait! Calm down!’ yelled Ursa, lacing her words with a magical Suggestion.
The spell slid off Adagio like water from an oily duck. ‘I am calm,’ she said, and her comically oversized sword came out to strike twice at Ursa – once in the stomach and then, with the Angel reversing her grip, with the flat of the blade slamming into Ursa’s nose.
Merlin leapt out and shot a crackling Witch Bolt at the Angel, but Adagio’s sword seemed to soak up the thunderous energy. Merlin kept running as he fired the bolt, and skidded over to hide behind a seat.
Next, a round of Firebolts from Nora sent Adagio back up into the air, dodging between them and creating space. Her wings had begun to glow.
‘What are you even talking about, “more lapdogs”?!’ Nora shouted after her.
‘I can tell you’ve come on her orders. I have had enough of her hounds, and her employees coming after me!’
‘The hounds are nothing to do with Laniakea!’ said Ursa. ‘That’s something else!’
‘Oh, like I’d believe you.’
Nora held another Firebolt ready, but shouted up at the Angel before doing anything. ‘We’re here because there were Hellhounds here, same as at Laniakea’s offices! And when we arrive, we find you here!’
‘Yeah!’ Ursa nodded, blood streaming from her nose. ‘We’re just here because the Infernomicon of Caravigg got stolen. From Lanikea, yes, but she didn’t send us specifically to find you! We’re after the Hellhounds.’
Adagio watched them holding off from fighting back, even after she’d probably broken the pink one’s nose. Slowly, she sank back towards the floor and let her wings and sword vanish. There were no feathers left behind, meaning the ‘evidence’ from the scene of the crime was absolutely fake.
A head poked out from behind a seat. ‘Caravigg has escaped the book,’ said Merlin, getting a mild flinch of surprise from Adagio.
‘Look, Adagio. Yes, Laniakea mentioned you, and there’s clearly something going on between the two of you. But we don’t have time for that. Literally. We were just here trying to figure out where the book is.’
Adagio looked her straight in the eyes, and seemed to reach a decision. ‘In that case then…’ she said, slowly. ‘I’m… sorry.’
‘It’s okay, my nose is only mildly broken. I’m sure it’ll be fine.’
‘That’s… sorry. Oh, uh, you might want to keep away from the screen there. It’s a portal…’
‘Where to?’ asked Nora.
‘Oh, it goes one world closer to Death.’
‘So that’s where the Hellhounds came in from?’
Adagio shook her head. ‘No. I thought they would have, like, if the portal had opened up by itself or someone was using it? But it turns out they’d come to here from somewhere else in the city. Someone must be summoning them.’
‘Right,’ said Nora. ‘Any idea who might want to frame you for stealing a book? There was a feather planted at the scene that looked pretty similar to yours.’
‘What? I don’t know? Someone stole a book?’
‘Y-yeah?’ said Ursa, a bit unsure if she’d really forgotten. ‘The Infernomicon? From Laniakea’s hoard?’
‘Oh, shit. Hey, that’s really bad. Laniakea went to, uh, a lot of trouble tracking that down. Damn near consumed her. That probably explains the Hellhounds, too, huh?’
Merlin let his Mage Armor disappear. ‘You mentioned somebody else had come? Other employees?’
‘What? Oh, yeah. Um. Yeah. So, uh, me and Laniakea aren’t really… on great terms, anymore. Not after everything with that book. But it’s recent enough that’s she’s still sending her personal assistant to come and apologise on her behalf – not even in person. That was a couple days ago.’
‘She sent Minette?’ asked Ursa.
‘Oh, I don’t remember her name. The Greenteeth.’
Ursa’s voice filled the whole screen. ‘IT WAS MINETTE!!!’
‘I’m sorry?’ asked Adagio, but Ursa had already launched off into an explanation.
‘Okay, okay, okay, so, guys remember how Cait-Síth was like, “Oh, yeah, a Fae might be coming after you for revenge”? And Montparnasse had green teeth too?’
Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘Yes. Wonderful.’
‘Wait, no…’ said Adagio. ‘Cait-Síth is with the Summer court, Laniakea’s assistant is a Winter Fae.’
‘This one particular Greenteeth – who died – had gone over to the Summer court, it was a whole thing.’
‘Oh, Montparnasse is dead..? Oh, that’s sad.’
Ursa threw up her hands. ‘Why does everyone know–? No. No. It’s fine.’
‘Laniakea’s PA did mention having a brother once or twice in the past. I didn’t realise. Wait, so, was there a crime of some sort?’
‘Yeah! Laniakea’s book got stolen and–‘
‘Ooh, she’s going to be unhappy about that…’
‘–Yeah, you’re right, she is…’ said Ursa, defeated.
‘That’s kind of why we’re here,’ said Nora, patiently.
‘What? Well I didn’t do it,’ said the Angel.
Ursa seemed to have a new line of thought. ‘Were you friends, by the way?’
‘What, me and Minette? Not really. It’s why it was a bit uncomfortable when she wanted to take a picture of my wings when she came to apologise for her boss before, actually.’
‘No, I mean you and Laniakea.’
‘Oh. Not exactly; she’s my Ex. We had a bit of a messy breakup. Recently.’
‘Oh,’ said Ursa.
‘That book was kind of part of it. She was obsessed, and dangerous. Just because I love her doesn’t mean I could allow her to cause the kind of damage she did.’
‘That probably explains a lot,’ said Merlin, hastily. ‘Listen, should we be trying to find Minette?!’
‘Why Minette, though?’ said Ursa. ‘What does she gain from doing this? How does this get her revenge?’
‘If the two Ancient Dragons go to war, that’s it for Middlemarch, and everyone in it!’ said Merlin, beginning to pace the length of the screen. ‘She doesn’t even need to try and find us, it destroys the entire city!’
‘But how do the Hellhounds factor into it? Are they just a side effect?’
‘It doesn’t matter! Like I just said, it destroys everything.’
There came a cracking of Nora’s knuckles as she stared at Ursa.
‘Hey, you can’t pin this on me!’ said the Changeling. ‘This is some unforeseen bullshit.’
Nora shook her head in a this-isn’t-finished gesture, but got back to business. ‘Right. Where are we headed? Where’s Minette?’
‘Let’s go to Open Sky Capital,’ said Merlin. ‘Chances are she’s still at work. Adagio… would you be able to do us a real, uh, “solid”? I’m never going to say those words again, ugh. But could you perhaps… fly us to your Ex’s office?’
⁂
The security desk in Open Sky Capital’s lobby was lacking its traditional manning. In fact, it wasn’t manned at all. Two rodents, who until quite recently were a Dragonborn and Kobold, moused the desk instead.
It was getting close to midnight when Nora, Merlin, and Ursa charged through the building’s door. Adagio had dropped them right outside, and begun methodically cutting through the fleet of Hellhounds circling the offices, to get them a way in.
Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be many vanilla humans – or any people at all – out on the street tonight. It probably had something to do with the massive, swirling, crimson-lit stormcloud swirling above Open Sky Capital, its light growing brighter with each passing minute.
It seemed a Clifford-level houndular breach was about to occur.
Adagio had stopped them before they parted ways, though. ‘By the way, Nora,’ she’d said, with a little trepidation. ‘What’s that wire in your chest?’
Nora had blinked. ‘You… can see that?’
‘What?’ said Merlin.
‘What?’ said Ursa.
‘Yeah,’ said Adagio. ‘I was flying us on a bit of a weird path ’cause I was worried about tangling it, but then it just passed through all the hounds without doing anything. What is it?’
With a look to her other companions, Nora had said ‘We’ll talk about it later,’ and run into the building.
‘Nora, we’re going to talk about this soon,’ said Ursa. ‘You can’t have a go at me for keeping secrets and then have some kind of magic cord thing you’re hiding–‘
The Caliber agents came to a halt before the cat that waited in their path, just before the lifts.
‘Alright,’ said Cait-Síth. ‘I think the three of you and I need to have a wee talk for a second.’
‘We need to get upstairs first,’ growled Ursa. ‘But yeah. Minette. Montparnasse’s sister. Revenge. Is that who you were talking about before?! Yeah, we’re all on the same page now.’
She strode past him and hit the button that called the lift.
‘Great, I’ll ride up with you,’ said Cait-Síth, as the lift began to move. ‘So. I have a wee confession to make. I may have… been pursuing some different leads on fidning certain individuals. And I may have come across knowledge of a particular book that could provide the location of a certain Demon-of-interest, using his True Name.
‘And I might have suggested to a certain person who knew its location that it would be helpful in the investigation.’
There came a clenching of Ursa’s fists. ‘You fucking what?’
‘Aye, I was a little worried when I say you heading into Mr. Pyrite’s office. Thought you knew about it all. Thought you wouldn’t be walking out again.’
‘Wait,’ said Nora. ‘Mr. Pyrite? He’s behind this? What about Minette?’
‘Well, Mr. Pyrite is… an equal partner in it. Once I found out from him that the book was in Laniakea’s hoard, we approached Minette – who had tragically lost her brother so recently – and it all sort of came together quite… serendipitously.
‘Minette would acquire the book, with a bit of help borrowed from Mr. Pyrite to punch through certain security features. She wasn’t powerful enough to read from the book without risking… consequences, so she would deliver the book to Pyrite, who would give us the information we wanted on Alkahest.
‘I’d get my perp. Minette would get her justice. Mr. Pyrite, for his finder’s fee, would get to keep the book.
‘Since then, though, things have gotten somewhat… out of hand.’
‘You think?’ said Ursa.
‘I do, yes. I don’t know exactly how it went down, but Pyrite didn’t hear from Minette and now there are Hellhounds just everywhere. So I would like to propose an arrangement with the three of you.’
Ursa had begun to interject, but Merlin held up a hand. ‘What kind of arrangement? One that’s mutually beneficial to us, I trust?’
‘It is indeed, Mr. Merlin. I don’t intend to doublecross you or anything of that sort. Because, let’s be honest… this is a fuck-up that I may have had a bit of a paw in.’ He took a deep breath.
‘The three of you are uniquely situated to deal with this whole business without any issues of blame coming to light. If you would continue in your work sweeping this under the rug with a minimum of accusation, I can… probably pull some strings to try and get the three of your names dropped from the investigation. I mean, you could still be called on as witnesses, but…’
‘The four of us,’ said Ursa.
‘The three of you. Said fourth party is not present at this time, and we obviously do still need someone to shoulder the blame on what happened to Montparnasse.’
Merlin squatted down to stare the cat directly in the eye. ‘Okay. One thing. This is the underlying thing. There’s going to be no “maybe” about this. We’re going to do our job. You’re going to sort this shit out for us. You’re going to give your word. Otherwise… Nora, give me that gavel.’
‘I mean, I’d rather hold onto it myself for now,’ said Nora.
‘Nora, I– Listen, Cait-Síth. You give your word or I’m going to play golf with you off the top of this building.’
Nora brightened when she realised the gavel-request was for a threat.
‘Alright,’ said Cait-Síth, as the lift doors opened on to the top floor. ‘Deal. No accusations from you, no accusations from me. You have my word, Merlin.’
And he vanished through a portal.
⁂
The lush vegetation on the top floor of the building was all dead, like it had been baking in desert sun for months. At most, a few desiccated stumps remained.
The impossible circling stream and waterfall had been replaced with literal fucking lava, which – combined with the mounting storm outside – cast the whole room in cardinal light.
In the middle of the floor was an unconscious Laniakea, still in her humanoid form. She was still alive; Ursa was just able to make out a heartbeat; faintly audible, like a dripping tap from two rooms away.
‘Do we give her a slap?’ asked Merlin.
Nora, though, had moved to stand before the others. Something was coming.
A figure emerged from the vault, striding through the molten curtain of the lavafall without so much as getting singed. It was holding a book.
Minette’s teeth glittered in a viridescent smile.
‘You’ve got some explaining to do,’ Nora told her.
‘Do I indeed?’ said the figure. It didn’t speak with Minette’s voice.
‘Am I to assume you’re Caravigg, then? Possessing Minette?’
Caravigg kept on smiling with Minette’s mouth. ‘You are quite correct. It seems the little Fae couldn’t help but sneak a look inside the book. The Dragon there was very hesitant to let her leave the building. She grew desperate.’
‘No more talking,’ said Merlin, and cast Lightning Bolt at the Devil.
The bolt seared the air in white radiance, and collided with Minette’s face. Caravigg staggered back, a great scorched crater in the face he wore. In seconds a viscous, milky substance had spewed from the wound and solidified into a chitinous mask over one eye, sealing it shut.
Next, Nora sprinted forward, pulling the stolen gavel from her pocket. She ducked under a blow from Caravigg and brought the little wooden hammer right up in a golf swing under his chin. The hammer struck.
And Caravigg stumbled back only slightly.
‘Oh, it doesn’t work on living things,’ he grinned.
In lieu of a retort, Nora fired an Eldritch Blast at point blank range. One of the beams hit, the other flew up to impact one of the windows , which shattered, letting in the rising wind from outside.
‘Oh shit, shit, shit,’ said Ursa. She couldn’t use Sleep, because Caravigg would be too powerful, and Minette was immune as a Fae. She could Charm Person? The Devil probably wasn’t immune to charms. But they were already fighting, so it’d be way less likely to take hold.
Still. There wasn’t much else for it. She pressed a chord and felt her magic winging through the air, before shattering against Caravigg’s emnity for her. ‘Shit.’
Caravigg kicked Nora away, pulling a similar gavel to the one she had and spinning it in Minette’s fingers. ‘3 of 3’ was inscribed in its handle.
’Alright, nice bluff,’ said Nora, clutching at where she’d been kicked. ‘We just confirmed it doesn’t work on living things.’
Caravigg leapt upwards to the billowing lavafall. ‘You won’t be living for much longer,’ he said. And brought the gavel down.
A tide of magma crashed down toward them like a glowing orange tsunami. Merlin scrambled up one of the tree stumps and narrowly avoided getting swept away. The other two fled backwards.
From his perch, Merlin fired a Witch Bolt at Caravigg, and focused all his arcane potency into killing this devil. He had to. And somewhere off in the swirling cosmos, Death took note.
The Witch Bolt hammered into Minette, and Merlin kept it firing as she fell from the now snuffed-out lavafall.
Part of the chitin on her face cracked. Merlin was absolutely powerful enough to kill her.
Ursa leapt forward, mashing her fingers down in another desperate chord. She had to find another way to resolve this, a way that didn’t end in Minette’s death. She cast Hold Person. And just as with Merlin, the cosmic force of Life noticed her attempt.
Caravigg froze, Minette’s body tensing up even as the Witch Bolt electrocuted her.
’Fight this!!’ Ursa screamed at her. ‘I know you’re in there! You must have a will of fucking iron to go through this whole scheme! To defy your psycho boss like this! Fucking fight!!’
The chitin cracked further. Minette spoke quietly, in her own voice. ‘I’m… trying…’
Suddenly Nora was beside them, taking the 3-of-3 gavel and tearing the book from Minette’s other hand.
’Nora don’t, it’ll possess–‘
Nora opened her eyes. They were normal. ‘Yeah, some shitty Devil’s got nothing on what I normally put up with.’ She turned to Minette, as Merlin dropped his Bolt and Ursa released her Hold. ‘What do we do with this? How do we stop what’s happening?’
Minette wobbled, but kept her feet. ‘We… we can’t stop it, there’s no way to seal it ‘cause I broke the…’
The storm outside was getting worse. It was nearly bright as day outside, and there was a distant sound beneath the hurricane-winds. It sounded like an oncoming wild hunt, thousands of Hellhounds strong.
‘Think!!’ Nora demanded.
‘Uh. Uh. Into the vault! Come on!’ said Minette, taking off in an unsteady run.
In the vault, Minette came to a halt before the display case with the leering stone devil-face and the folded cloth. ‘Can I borrow the gavel again for just a minute?’
Nora handed it over, and Minette smashed the case, taking the cloth from within. She cast it to the ground, where it shimmered outwards into a deep, dark hole. ‘Throw it in!’
Nora did, and as soon as the book disappeared, Minette ripped up the cloth like a rug.
’Where does that lead?’ asked Nora.
’I… uh, I don’t actually know,’ admitted Minette.
’Somebody else’s problem, then,’ said Merlin.
’Oh no, it’s still very much my problem,’ said Minette. ‘I’m gonna get sacked.’
⁂
The sky was normal outside when they returned to the office proper. It seemed the crisis had indeed been averted.
Whatever magic had taken Laniakea out of action had apparently been lifted, too. She marched up to them as they emerged from the vault.
Ursa interposed herself between the Dragon and her PA. ‘I know this is bad,’ she said, ‘But I can’t let you hurt her.’
Ping.
Both Merlin and Ursa turned to see the lift doors closing, with Nora inside it. She’d snuck off.
’Move,’ said Laniakea, ignoring her.
Ursa turned back to the Dragon. ’No! Just because Minette–‘
A slap rang out as the back of Laniakea’s hand struck Ursa’s face. She dropped like a puppet with its strings cut.
’Minette,’ said Laniakea, stepping over Ursa’s unconscious body. ‘I am very disappointed. And I think you should seek other employment.’
She picked Minette up by the throat and casually tossed her across the room. Her screaming body went sailing out the window.
Out on the pavement below, Nora had approached Adagio as she cleaned up the last straggling Hellhounds. The sun was rising.
’Hey,’ said Nora. ‘You said you could see this… wire thing before?’
’Oh, yeah,’ said Adagio. ‘You all set up there?’
’Yeah, it’s dealt with. Do you know what the wire means?’
’Huh. Well, it’s tied directly to your soul, I think. So… hopefully nothing cuts it, or the feedback might kill you.’
’It’s what?’
’Yeah, it looks–‘
Adagio stopped mid-sentence, and shot up through the air. Nora could hear a scream above, and looked up to see Adagio catching a figure that had come through the window above.
Laniakea, on the upper floor, roared at the sight of Adagio. Her skin rippled, growing gleaming green scales, and suddenly she changed. Gone was the suit, gone was the human form entirely. She reared up, a fully massive Dragon now, wings lashing out, gouts of flammable poison steaming from her mouth. She launched herself toward the windows.
’Don’t,’ said Adagio, very, very softly.
And Laniakea didn’t. She just stayed still, as behind her, Merlin dragged Ursa into the lift and away to safety.
⁂
Adagio healed Minette, who sat on the pavement, shaking. She’d done the same for Nora, while explaining that the wire seemed to stretch up to somewhere in the Lake District.
’Can’t be anymore specific than that, though. It’s Truesight, not Longsight!’
’Hey,’ said Merlin, emerging from the building with a barely conscious Ursa on his shoulder. Adagio ran up to Lay on Hands again.
‘Right,’ said Merlin, when they were all back on their feet. ‘We’ve got a lot of–‘
Minette had vanished. Because of course she had.
’–paperwork to do.’
Roll History 