Alice squinted down at her macchiato before taking a sip and placing it carefully beside her macbook pro. She wasn’t getting any work done; by now she’d totally resigned herself to that fact and was idly watching the other occupants of the café.
She was supposed to have been getting a home office, but all that had gone up in smoke when she and her boyfriend had split. It had all been going so smoothly. They’d even been making trips to Ikea to look for furniture!
But something changed, and Alice couldn’t even remember what it was now, as if there were a literal gap in her memory. Their plan to move in together had fallen apart shortly after, so it was back to working in coffee shops, and gulping down subpar macchiato which always somehow tasted of nutmeg and lingonberry on her tongue.
And, of course, people-watching.
Today’s crop of characters behind Alice’s laptop screen were unremarkable save for the group that had seated themselves by the window. There was something about them, not exactly familiar, but… it was like recognising an actor as an extra in a new show.
She nursed her coffee, wincing at the grillkrydda flavour. There was a woman with a black hat and blonde hair, her expression one of world-afflicted aggravation. She’d sat down and passed a cup of something to a bearded man with a remarkable shortage of altitude, who took it with a weary sigh.
With them was a taller man wearing a white leather jacket and a black shirt beneath it to match his white and black haircut. It all seemed a bit much, in Alice’s estimation. Occasionally he’d make an impatient comment between scrolling through his phone, ostensibly restless to get away from the café.
The other woman wasn’t with them.
Alice frowned. What a weird thing to think.
The short man noticed her staring, and so Alice pretended to get back to her computer. When she next looked up, it was just in time to see the woman in the black hat stare down in horror at her own chest, before a huge frog emerged from below their table and everything went dark.
⁂
Now, that last sentence makes it sound a bit like Alice was killed (and by a giant frog no less; what an embarrassing way to go). That’s not actually the case.
Rather, when the silver cable in Nora’s torso activated, summoning up the prodigious amphibian, the first to respond was Alkahest, who leapt to his feet; first instinct to pull out the sawn-off shotgun in his jacket and make what the French call “purée de grenouille”.
But… he was already in volatile company; he’d barely recovered from the earlier assault. Maybe the better option would be to provide some space for the others to work in? They needed to work together if they were to get Ursa back, after all.
So Alkahest opened his mouth and filled the café with Darkness.
At that very moment, Merlin had also come to the conclusion that the more vanilla humans saw a giant frog, the higher the risk of Auditors appearing. If that happened, they’d never get Ursa back, what with being dead. So Merlin cast Off on the lights.
This would have done nothing if not for Alkahest’s Darkness, as it was the middle of the day, but Merlin didn’t stick around to consider anything like that. He cast Misty Step and reappeared outside the coffee shop, cup still in hand.
From there, after a second to weigh up the options, he launched another Off at any and all security cameras he could see. That done, he simply took a long, noisy sip of his drink.
Back inside – beneath a large frog – Nora racked her brains for options. She needed to kill the damn frog, and brought up her hand to fry it with an Eldritch Blast… and hesitated. They were a member down. And that member would have been the one to try and get everyone out.
Nora didn’t have anything in her playbook that could get a load of people to just calmly leave, though, did she? She could maybe cast an illusion, but that would be obscured by the Darkness; nobody would even see it!
And in response to her desperate thinking, something rotated into place on a cosmic scale. Heeding Nora’s request to save these people, the Alignment of Life changed how things work, just for a moment.
The Minor Illusion Nora cast shone out like a lighthouse in fog. It even had a voice.
‘Now, my good people!’ said the illusory Stiletto Benevolent, beckoning towards the open door. ‘We must escape this room; there has been an emergency and we have to evacuate!’
Nora shuddered at her own spell’s accuracy, and fell back as the frog’s massive weight bore down on her. Its tongue slammed against the side of her head like a club.
Then Alkahest was there, defaulting to his original plan. The shotgun was deafening. The frog, now missing a large chunk of its head, simply dissolved.
Nora looked up, as the café began to brighten, to see Alkahest’s hand offered to help her up. Somewhat grudgingly, she took it.
‘So, uh… what the fuck?’ said the Demon, quite conversationally.
Nora tried to think of a response, but was distracted by a tap on her wrist.
God I’m really sorry about that, said the Morris Worm via her watch. Shouldn’t happen again!
Outside, Nora swatted the cup from Merlin’s hand. ‘What the fuck were you doing out here?!’ she demanded.
‘I turned the lights off,’ said Merlin. ‘Can you hear that?’
They listened. Sirens, and getting closer.
‘Who phoned the fucking police?’ sighed Nora. ‘Right, we’ve gotta go.’
‘We should stay and explain,’ said Merlin.
‘What? Why?’
‘Well, we don’t want them to think there’s an ongoing incident.’
Nora raised her arms and lowered them again. ‘Tell you what, I’ll get you a replacement coffee if we can go right now.’
The gnome raised a single eyebrow. ‘Only if it’s a decent roast.’
⁂
In a nearby queue at Gregg’s, with Merlin outside making faces like he was watching a massacre, Nora waited patiently to get replacement drinks and something to eat too, probably.
She was two away from the counter when her phone rang. A private number.
Her first thought was to ignore it, as one normally does with a withheld number. But there was a chance it might be Morris, with an explanation for what the hell had been with that frog. The cord in her chest – stretching behind her and through the queue behind her – was quite still now.
‘Hello?’ she said, perusing the trays of baked victuals over the shoulder of the man in front.
‘Ah, Helton. Good. I need you to come back to the Caliber Institute for debriefing right away.’
Nora just about managed not to curse. ‘Director Brynner?’
‘Yes, yes. You don’t happen to know where Williams is, do you? I tried to telephone him but it seems his phone blocks private numbers automatically.’
‘Is this about Ursa?’
‘Ah. Yes. I wasn’t sure if she would have let you know, but… well, we need to talk about her departure. And also discuss how to proceed with the Summer Court, now that she’s gone.’
The man in front was ordering now. Nora wondered if she should get some food too. ‘I can’t get to the Institute at the moment,’ she said into the phone. ‘I’m… doing team-building with Merlin.’
The lie was unsuccessful, since Brynner had met Nora before.
‘Helton,’ said the Director. ‘Please don’t insult me by pretending to respect your colleagues.’
‘Alright, fine. We saw Ursa go with Cait-Sìth. We’re going to get her back.’
There was a pause. ‘She is no longer a member of our organization. You owe nothing to her.’
Nora almost laughed. ‘Yeah, I know,’ she said.
Brynner’s voice was almost cautious now, like a tongue probing at a missing tooth. ‘How do you intend to “get her back”, as you said? What bargain do you hope to strike? With what collateral?’
‘One sec, I’m just at Greggs,’ said Nora to her phone. Then, to the lady at the till: ‘Hi, uh, can I get three coffees – flat white if that’s an option – and… three of the vegan sausage rolls if they’re hot? Thanks.’
The Director’s tone had changed when she put the phone back to her ear, making her way outside with hands full.
‘You ordered three drinks. Helton. Do. Not. Move.’
Nora looked from Merlin (scowling at the cardboard cup in her hand) to Alkahest (shifting his weight from foot to foot). ‘Shit,’ she said, and put the phone down.
Alkahest reached out for the sausage roll before the coffee, but slowed when he noted Nora’s darting eyes. ‘What is it?’ he asked.
‘We need to move. Brynner phoned and I think he pieced together that you’re involved.’ She jabbed a finger at the Demon.
Merlin took the excuse to spit out the inferior coffee. ‘Why did you answer your phone?!’ he sputtered.
‘Ursa’s gone, Merlin. One of us at least has to be the one that talks to people. Are you coming or not?’
‘Already called a cab,’ said Merlin, with perhaps too wide a smirk. ‘I even requested that psychotic Genasi from before. Time is of the essence, yes?’
‘That’s actually great,’ admitted Nora. ‘But we should get walking before it arrives. If we just wait around here, then…’
She trailed off, staring across to the other side of the road, where a huge man, shoulders wide as any three passers-by abreast, stood waiting for a gap in the traffic. The other pedestrians parted around him like a bulwark in the ocean. If any of the cars he was waiting for did hit him, chances were they’d burst around him like water balloons.
And he had the head of a bull.
Alkahest followed Nora’s gaze. ‘Oh, shit,’ he said. ‘Is that…?’
‘That’s HR,’ said Merlin.
Cepheus strode across the width of the rode in two and a half steps, and stood before them on the pavement. He appeared to be waiting for one of them to speak.
About 40 feet or so behind him, a taxi pulled into a bus stop, flashing its hazard lights after the Genasi behind the wheel pushed the “park anywhere” button. She rolled down the window and waved at Merlin.
Surprisingly, the first to speak was Alkahest. ‘Hey, Cepheus. I know we’ve had a few run-ins in the past, and the Institute and I ain’t exactly orderin’ off the same menu, as it were, but I do want to get along with you, you know? Trouble is, right now someone more important than I ever thought anything could be is in danger. And you’re standing in my way.’
‘I’m not here for you,’ said the Minotaur, almost dismissively. ‘Though, if you’d have simply owned up to your crime already, we wouldn’t be standing here.’
‘You ain’t gonna be standing at all if you don’t move,’ said Alkahest, but Cepheus ignored him.
Instead, he focused on the other two. ‘Look, guys… what are you doing? You can’t just disobey a direct order from the boss. Things are delicate at the moment.’
‘We’re off the clock,’ said Nora. ‘Nobody at the Institute has ever forced me to justify how I spend my free time before. Is that new company policy?’
‘You’re just being pedantic there, Nora.’
Merlin snickered below his breath. ‘Normally that’s my job,’ he said.
‘Why, though?’ continued the Minotaur. ‘Yes, Ursa was a pretty good fit for your team, but… you don’t have any attachment to her. She’s not covered by the Institute anymore!’
‘Yeah, but…’ Nora picked her words with care. ‘…Ursa’s grown on me. She’s better to work with than most people. Just about.’
Cepheus’ bovine brow furrowed for a moment, then smoothed out as he appeared to reach a conclusion. ‘Fine,’ he said. ‘Then convince me.’
‘Convince you of what?’ said Nora, fingers grasping at the air. ‘That we mean it when we say we want to get our friend back?!’
(Worlds away, in a cage, in a court, Ursa suddenly found herself able to sit still, calm for just a moment)
Cepheus’ hands, of a scale you’d expect from a JCB excavator, came up to his collar. Slowly, he loosened his tie. It had a yellow rubber duck pattern; little beaks were rolled up and placed carefully in his breast pocket.
‘Convince me,’ he said, and Nora understood.
She and Merlin weren’t on the clock. Cepheus was.
Alkahest, again, was the first to move – he launched himself toward the Minotaur and got an elbow to the face for his trouble. Reeling from the blow, but unwilling to draw weapons in the busy street, the Demon threw punch after punch up at Cepheus’ bull head, only to take another crushing blow in return.
‘You stay out of this,’ said Cepheus, as Alkahest staggered back. He turned his horns to Merlin, who had uncharacteristically chosen to sprint at him as well.
Then a flash, and Merlin was gone. The Misty Step took the Gnome past his would-be blocker straight to the waiting taxi beyond.
‘Hi,’ said Merlin to its driver. ‘Things are a little bit complicated right now, so, if you wouldn’t mind waiting for just a moment more? I understand the meter must be running.’
With that, he turned back to the fight. He wanted to flex a little. He’d gotten new tattoos for this very purpose.
Merlin thrust his hands forth, and sent a crackling Witch Bolt arcing along the busy street to collide with Cepheus. It had worked so well on the Demon, after all.
The Minotaur lashed forward with a headbutt, seeming to gore the spell itself. The fulminating magic dissipated, broken by Cepheus’ horns.
‘Merlin!’ he yelled, genuine anger in his words. ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?! We’re in public!!’
Thankfully, the pedestrians that had stopped to observe this street-brawl had – after the moments of awe at the short man’s harnessing the lighting – rationalised or forgotten, perception filters intact. No Auditors came for them.
Merlin attempted to scurry past and regroup with the others, realising he’d overextended, but Cepheus’ hand shot out. Merlin had a brief moment to contemplate how the Minotaur’s palm was bigger than his own skull, before an iron grip slammed him face first into the pavement.
‘Stay. Down,’ Cepheus told him.
When he turned back to deal with Nora, Cepheus was irritated to find that she, too, had vanished. With less spectacle than Merlin, but still.
A shout came; a voice that sounded almost like Nora only missing its trademark deadpan. ‘Help!’ she said, all theatrical dismay. ‘We’re being attacked!’
Nora looked around as, in affirmation of her particular worldview, not a single person came to help. Maybe it was perception filters working overtime. She was trying so hard to resolve things peacefully today, too.
By Merlin’s prone form, Alkahest had squared off against the Minotaur once again. Cepheus had readied a more solid punch to really emphasize his request to keep out of this, but his fist held in place when he saw what was in Alkahest’s hand.
‘You wouldn’t,’ said Cepheus.
‘I’m in a hurry,’ replied Alkahest. He pulled the pin from the grenade.
‘Put that pin back in, Demon. Alkahest.’ Cepheus was making a clear effort to sound calm, but his voice was fraying at the edges. His eyes darted from the grenade to the downed Merlin.
Alkahest flicked the pin away as if flipping a coin. It tumbled down a nearby grate.
‘Jesus! Fine!’ said Cepheus, throwing up his hands. ‘Go. Just don’t let that thing go off, you maniac.’
Nora, seeing all this, began to make her way back, but halted at a skidding sound behind her. She turned to see a PCSO on a bike.
‘Excuse me, miss, but do you need help?’ asked the officer.
‘Oh. No, no, actually,’ said Nora, perhaps a bit too quickly.
‘Are you sure, miss? You don’t have to cover for anyone, especially if you feel you’re in danger.’
‘Honestly, no,’ said Nora again. ‘It’s just, you know. Thought he was someone else. Mistaken identity, you know?’
‘Ah, well,’ said constable Hardgard. ‘There is a lot of that going about at the moment. You stay safe, okay?’
Merlin was getting shakily to his feet as Nora passed him. She gave a curt nod to Cepheus, who returned it. He looked like he was about to say something, but was interrupted when Merlin ran between his legs and punched him in the groin.
‘I’d already conceded!’ cried the Minotaur. His voice didn’t do the “octave higher” comedy thing; now he just sounded like he was in a lot of pain.
‘That, uh, seemed a little petty there, Merlin,’ said Alkahest, fishing in his pocket as they headed for the taxi. ‘Vindictive, even.’
‘Shut up, Demon,’ said the Gnome.
Alkahest didn’t reply, instead pulling a grenade pin from his jacket. A few more spilled out as his hand moved to replace it in the grenade.
Nora watched him fiddling with it. ‘You just have a little bag full of grenade pins, do you?’
The Demon showed her his serrated teeth. ‘Props are good if you wanna bluff.’
They sat in the back of the taxi. ‘What was all that about?!’ asked the driver, veering out into traffic.
‘We’re a polycule and we just broke up with the big guy,’ said Merlin, without any fuss at all. ‘He isn’t taking it well but it’s for the best.’
‘Ah, say no more, say no more,’ said the driver.
⁂
The “portal on the edge of town” that Alkahest had told them about earlier was, in fact, the abandoned cinema where they’d originally met Adagio. She had mentioned something like that at the time.
‘So, there are four screens,’ explained Alkahest as they passed through the lobby. ‘Each one takes you one world closer in the direction of one of the alignments. So we go in the Chaos screen here, we come out of the Law screen the next world over, see? Rinse and repeat till we reach the world Montparnasse was born on.’
Merlin scratched at his chin. ‘I thought the worlds were in just two intersecting lines with the Fulcrum world in the middle? But this method of travel implies a grid. What if, hypothetically, we went 10 worlds toward Chaos, then 10 worlds toward Life from there?’
Alkahest’s response was sort of half-hearted. ‘Ah, well, not all the portals will be open. It is two intersecting lines, it’s just that there are occasional, um… bristles. But those tend to be weird. And I’d prefer not to think about them.’
Merlin had further questions, but those had to make way for a single more pressing one as they arrived at the screen leading further into Chaos.
‘Do we just… walk through?’
In reply, Alkahest just walked through.
Nora and Merlin followed.
The room on the other side was nearly identical, save for the number of seats. Though neither Nora nor Merlin had ever been outside of the world upon which they were born – that was, Outside, proper noun and everything – the change was less noticeable than might have been hoped for.
Well, there was one thing, for Nora. The silver cord in her chest had disappeared. She wore her surprise plainly on her face. None of the others noticed, though, as Nora’s surprised face was indistinguishable from the face she made when queueing for shopping, or cleaning her fingernails.
Subtly she checked her watch, checked her connection to the Morris Worm. No signal. She snapped her fingers and a little gout of flame spilled out with the sound. She still had her magic, at least.
They’d trudged out of the Law screen and back into the Chaos one more than twenty times now, not one of them uttering much more than a word or two. It must have been the least glamourous form of dimensional travel since Emva’s invention of the Planebounder, which sort of looked like a Space Hopper with a landmine strapped to the bottom.
‘Wait,’ said Alkahest, slowing as they emerged from the 26th screen. ‘What the fuck is that noise?’
It’s common to describe an explosion with a line like ‘then the world went white’, or ‘everything was noise’, something that expresses how – for the characters caught in it – said detonation encompasses their entire world.
If we were to step into Alkahest’s head at the moment of the explosion that destroyed the screen he’d just come through along with much of the rest of the cinema, we would find his thoughts as thus:
Some fucker tried to blow us up!
It’s important to remember that there are more things to life than the explosion that just almost killed you and left you buried you in the rubble of a derelict cinema. There’s the fucker that caused the explosion that just almost killed you and left you buried you in the rubble of a derelict cinema.
Not that Alkahest had any clues as to who said fucker might be.
Merlin was the first to crawl from the remains of the cinema, covered in brick dust and aubergine with bruises. He emerged in the car park of the erstwhile building just in time to see a flutter of an orange cloak – or cape, or something – vanishing through some kind of portal.
Both Nora and Alkahest seemed to be alive as well, staggering to their feet behind him. It all seemed very… unlikely, that the three of them would walk away from such a demolition. But there were more important worries to worry about.
‘This is world C-double-oh-two-six,’ said Alkahest, coughing up a little cloud of dust. ‘We’re one short. I don’t suppose either of you magician-types can cast Plane Shift or something like that?’
Nora was scanning the cityscape before them – the skyline was recognisable as Middlemarch’s, but overlaid with an azure glow; crystal structures atop tall poles shone against the darkening sky. There were wires coming from them, travelling down into buildings. It seemed like this world ran on something other than electricity.
‘No,’ she said. ‘What are our options?’
Merlin interrupted before the Demon could formulate a response. ‘You two are acting remarkably calm for people who just survived a bomb going off! Didn’t either of you see that orange cloak?’
‘Hey, Merlin,’ began Alkahest. ‘I’m acting calm because the person I am on my way to rescue would, I think, be quite upset if she were to be rescued in the manner that comes naturally to me. Which is to say, messily.
‘Yes, some fucker tried to blow us up just now. I do not care. It is unimportant. Perhaps in other circumstances I’d take said fucker to task, but here and now I want to do things in a way Ursa won’t be ashamed of.
‘So, uh… we need to steal a car.’
Merlin and Nora stared at him. After a second, Nora simply said ‘Alright,’ and strolled off to the nearby road.
‘Hold on now,’ said Merlin, running after her. ‘We can’t just steal someone’s car!’
‘We aren’t stealing it,’ said Nora, inexplicably producing a thin, flat lockout tool and setting about its larcenous duty on the door of a nearby Ford Focus. ‘We’re just going to borrow it for a bit.’
‘Why do we even need a car?’ asked Merlin. He eyed the car’s tyres, which were white. All of the tyres in the street were white, actually.
‘Because we’re in a hurry,’ said Alkahest from behind him. ‘And we’re gonna have to see a guy I know on the other side of town. He’s got autoshops in a lot of worlds. He’ll get us to where we need to be.’
Merlin looked incredulous.
‘What?’ said Alkahest. ‘He likes me. I think?’
‘Not that,’ snapped the Gnome. ‘It’s just that… surely there’s a better way than resorting to petty crime?’
There was a soft thump as the car door opened. When the alarm didn’t go off, the Demon and the Warlock got inside. Merlin followed them after a moment, clambering into the back so as not to be seen loitering by a theft-in-progress.
From the driver’s seat, Nora shuffled around looking for spare keys. When she found none, she cursed under her breath and reached for the door handle.
‘Wait,’ said Merlin, behind her. He was looking at the dashboard, which was lit with a sulky azure light in lines that looked almost like a runic circuitboard. There was no slot for a key; instead, a diamond-shaped indentation in the center of the dashboard lay empty.
Something seemed familiar about it. Almost like… almost like the bones he’d been studying. Breathlessly, he pulled his laptop out and connected it via usb to the dashboard, Alkahest reaching out to hold the cable in place as Merlin began to type.
It was so easy!
In seconds, Merlin had bypassed what passed for security on the magically-locked car, and the engine hummed to life.
‘Ha!’ said Merlin, putting his computer away. There’d been a Conjurewall, just like with the bones, but one presumably made by a bored no-talent Sorcerer in a factory somewhere. If they didn’t want things stolen, they should try harder to keep them secure.
⁂
‘The guy’s name is Vic Sulph. Him and me go way back,’ said Alkahest, as they pulled into the garage. The gate was open despite it approaching 10pm. ‘Well, maybe not way back, but we go back enough. I once drove with some of his crew to, uh, well, we had to catch a moving train.’
He got out and made his way to the reception area, with Merlin trailing behind. Nora elected to stay by the car.
The lady at the reception desk had her grey hair tied back in a bun. A pair of half-moon spectacles were on a chain around her neck; these she put on and peered through at the visitors.
‘Hello dears,’ she said, really committing to the elderly-librarian vibe. ‘How can I help?’
‘I gotta talk to Vic,’ said Alkahest. ‘It’s an emergency.’
‘He isn’t here right now, I’m afraid,’ said the receptionist. ‘I can send him a message?’
‘Call him. Tell him it’s Alkahest.’
She blinked at him, but picked up the phone. ‘Hello. Yes. No, it’s nothing bad. There’s an “Alkahest” demanding to see you is all. It’s urgent, apparently. Oh. Oh really? Okay, see you soon.’
When she’d put the phone down, she gave a warm-if-slightly-bemused smile. ‘He says he’ll be here in a minute or so. Do you and your son want a cup of tea or anything?’
Merlin opened his mouth for a retort, but decided it was more hassle than it was worth.
In the yard, Nora checked her watch. It was odd; the cord in her chest was aberrant, obviously, but… well, she just hoped the Morris Worm wasn’t worrying too much about her.
Her reverie was halted when, in a burst of light, the ugliest car she’d ever seen skidded Akira into the yard, coming to a screeching halt next to the Ford Focus she’d been leaning on.
It sort of looked like a Rolls Royce if it had an allergic reaction to some kind of Wacky Races wasp. It had the white tyres of all the other cars she’d seen in this world, only these had been pillaged from a monster truck.
The door opened. A tiny little step unfolded, in an attempt to bridge the gulf between the car and the earth.
Nora thought at first that the emerging man was a Gnome or a Halfling, but as his smile reached his ears with no apparent sign of slowing down she quickly realised his nature was more in the Fiendish territory.
‘Panacea Alkahest, as I live and breathe,’ he said to Nora, arms wide. ‘You’ve remodelled.’
‘Sorry, what?’
The little man’s eyes shifted around a bit before widening. ‘Oh! My mistake! Thought you were her. It’s all the black you’re wearing. I’ll be heading inside, then.’
‘Ah, no problem,’ said Nora, fully intending to follow him and listen at the door.
Inside, Alkahest grinned and clapped the man a handshake. ‘Vic!’ he said. ‘Christ, you’re a sight for sore eyes!’
Vic Sulph looked… uncomfortable. Watching from outside, Nora wondered just who it was he’d been expecting.
‘Azoth Alkahest,’ said Vic, glancing at his secretary. ‘I didn’t realise it was you here!’
‘Hey Vic, I’ll cut right to the chase. I gotta ask a favour.’
Vic Sulph rolled his eyes. ‘It’s always favours with you, Alkahest. What is it this time?’
Alkahest grinned again. ‘I was hoping you might have a spare car you could lend us. We just gotta get one world further into Chaos to rescue someone, and–‘
‘You drag me here on false pretenses and you have the gall to ask for a motor with Parallel Drive?!’ Vic sounded mad, but he looked rather pleased. ‘Oh, Alkahest… you’ve still got no manners at all. But, I’m an understanding guy. Tell you what.
‘There’s a little event going on tonight. Midnight. Bit of a race. Few fellas have a friendly wager going on. If you were to enter and make sure my lad is the winner – watch his back and all that – I might be able to spare some wheels for a day or two.’
‘Midnight?’ said Merlin.
‘Yeah, no, that’s too long,’ agreed Alkahest. ‘We’re on a time crunch. We can’t just sit around till tomorrow, then fuck around go-karting for you until–‘
He seemed to remember that he was asking for a favour. And avoiding a mess. ‘I mean… Hey, Vic, just let us deal with our stuff first and I’ll come back and drive any race you want. I’ll win, I’ll lose, I’ll run people over, whatever. You know I’m good for it. I just don’t have time right now.’
Sulph smiled, froglike. ‘That’s my final offer. You’ve got till midnight to think about it.’
‘Vic, I–‘
‘Hey!’ said Nora, poking her head in through the door. Her voice was atypically peachy. ‘Brynner is on the phone, could you two just meet me outside a second?’
Vic Sulph shrugged. ‘Take your call, I’m not in any rush. I’ll just have a chat with my secretary here about who qualifies as urgent, yeah?’
Outside, Nora’s voice was back to its slightly-testy normal. ‘Okay, let’s steal his car.’
‘It’s not “borrowing” this time?!’ asked Merlin.
Nora leapt shotgun into the front, with Merlin and his laptop working away on the back seat. Alkahest went back to the Ford Focus and without so much as a warning drove it up against the reception office’s door.
Vic Sulph made a what-the-fuck gesture with his hands, but they fell loose to his sides when he looked past to see Alkahest running towards the Parallel Drive Rolls Royce. He tried to follow. The Focus was preventing the door from opening.
‘Alkahest!!’ he screamed through the sliver of doorway. ‘If you so much as touch my car, you’re a dead man!! You hear me?! You’re dead, Alkahest!!’
Alkahest adjusted the seat and prepared to drive away. ‘Good fucking job, both of you,’ he said, roaring out onto the main road. ‘I don’t know what kind of rescue I’d have been trying to pull without you guys.’
‘It’s actually really easy to deal with these cars’ security,’ said Merlin.
The Parallel Drive was just another stick between the gear stick and the handbrake. Atop it was a smoky little crystal that grew brighter as they drove. ‘It recharges as you move; I think this one will be ten miles per jump,’ explained Alkahest, craning his neck to look for suitable side streets. ‘It goes to the next world in the, uh, cardinal direction you’re driving. North is Life, West is Law, and, you know.’
The Parallel Drive crystal was a clear, pure white. Alkahest took a turn, and they were driving east. He grabbed the lever.
⁂
There was a flame that hand ignited of its own accord, hovering without fuel above the Judge’s podium. Ursa watched it from her cage as the courtroom seemed to fill out.
‘Excuse me?’ said a voice.
Ursa jumped. When she looked, a woman with the ears of a rabbit and a holo jacket lifted straight from the 80’s was peering between the bars to look at her. She had an aluminium baseball bat in one hand.
‘Uh… Hello?’ said Ursa.
‘Hi,’ said the woman. ‘I’m Elene. I’ll be your defendant in this trial, which, if I’m honest, is a bit of an unenviable position to be in. You’ll be out of that cage soon. Could we go over some of the details of your crime before then?’
‘Oh,’ said Ursa. ‘Yeah, of course. Like, if I can get a suspended sentence or something?’
‘Optimism is something we can work with, yeah. Obviously you’re under a lot of disapproval for murdering a beloved figure, so we need to figure out our spin.’
Ursa considered for a moment how her “defendant” seemed to have already decided she was guilty. That was probably a good thing, considering why she’d handed herself over. Right?
It was getting brighter, hotter. She’d been sure it should be nighttime. Was climate change a thing on other worlds? Ursa was beginning to sweat, and not just because of her nerves.
Then with the sense of the sun coming out from behind heavy clouds, the flame atop the podium stretched and warped, forming a humanoid shape about 20 feet tall. Her hair was long, down to her feet; a fiery red with flecks of orange, blossoming flowers dotting its length. Her face was perfectly, classically beautiful to the point of being eerie. Her perfectly manicured nails flashed with opalescent light whenever she moved her hands.
The assembled Summer Court sank to their collective knees, and bowed to their Queen Titania.
Roll History 